This Season

The only comparable time in my life
to this time in my life
was when I lived in my Dad's garage
at fourteen years old.

He had a new wife with two girls
and the garage was carpeted with
a patchwork of carpet samples
and it was winter and I was always cold.

But instead of watching TV in the house
I secluded myself with a parka
and fingerless wool gloves
and taught myself a programming language
and made a disturbed and complex video game
I wrote 20,000 lines of code in four months
and distributed it to my peers
on 3.5" floppy disks.

Then I discovered girls
which launched 24 years
of infatuated distraction
of selling off my truths
of yielding over and over
until there was nothing left to yield

I wrote an 80 page ebook in 5 sittings
just now
and in that time came up with
three ideas for other ones
I know that no one really cares
only the market will be my judge
and for that stark measurement
the truth of value that tells
I am very grateful

My drive for this is like lava flow
my yard is growing over
and I'll eat rice and garbanzo beans tonight
not because of poverty
but because I don't want to leave the house
It's like I'm a mile away from the Grand Canyon
or on the last five mile stretch
of a 100 mile bike ride
or on the last ten minutes
of a bloody four hour black belt test
the journey always brings meat
and I know how to journey
like an untethered bandit
who leaves everything on the mat
and I'm about to eat

Until I'm full.