Kill

It's about a return
to the sand and grasses
the thorns and blood and ticks
the hidden fields off trail
where dozens of butterflies live
Raven black with the blue of jewels
like almost being allowed to re-enter Eden

It's about the stillness
hiding with a weapon
until your human clumsiness is forgotten
and all the creatures return
hawks in love circling
just twenty feet above

I saw my prey a few times
but not enough for a good shot
the sun made me tired
on the long hike out of the fields
I ate old trail mix
because I was very hungry
and with my unloaded gun
resting on my shoulder
I had the peace inside of me
of love and forgiveness
the peace of a slow and mighty river

The Center of a Man

This hurts
today there is nobody to share with
I don't know how to be so inspired by little things
at an age where everyone has grown out of that
or had it pushed out through obedience

A simple breeze through leaves
still feels like a temple to me
I count the folds of plastic
in the front of a shotgun shell
I forget how to spell Karen
and paint with oil
to trade speed for alchemy
I have learned patience

My tribe has scattered
every last one of them
so I will go to Wal-Mart to buy camouflage
and tomorrow I'll hunt for the center of myself
down the barrel of a shotgun
pointed at a wild turkey
with another man who's tribe scattered
I will be in my feral center
that only I can hold
this instinctual core
that my culture would see me surrender

But I can't
it's where all the beautiful things
I've ever had
get created and destroyed
Where I make art
where I take risks
where I can kill an animal to eat
where I make love
and where I apply a blood choke

The center of a man
is a little big bang of violence and creation
Without it many would go hungry
and the babies would be too cold in the winter

Somebody always has to break the ground
and I'm sorry it's so hard for me to be sorry


 

Loss

In life
in these waterfalls of frailty and pain
there is the nearly unbearable responsibility
of lacing these boots
there's the heavy load of concrete
how it always breaks apart
the searing image in the mirror
the way it distorts everything
this pain beating in my chest
it's the undeniable countdown of heartbeats
the quickening of the rain
all the impermanence
all the hope, it's either noble or futile

Regardless
I will hang onto it like dental floss
I'll tightly grip it
the memories
of the softest whispers
the brightest eyes
but here and now there's only this windshield
an empty truck
a country song
about lost love that should have been
songs of regret
songs of wishing for better men.

Don't

Don't try to bring me to ruin
well you won't
but don't try

You'll fail

I will rebuild
over and over
until I can't breathe

My organs should have failed
but they didn't
because I willed them not to

my will is stronger than oxygen

that's who I am
in my heart

a man
who will die
only when he wants to

Cut the Intro: Episode 1

My brother Brian and I just published our first podcast. We have other episodes in the hopper and our excuse to talk each other about a million things is that we talk about good stuff to see on the streaming services like Netflix.

http://www.podcasts.com/download/cut-the-intro-d98040d08/Episode-1-ac02

It's so much fun. He's in Idaho, I'm in Magalia. I'm just impressed that we got over that hump. This whole thing was more work than I thought it would be but we're stoked for our Binyon brother creative project.

Nap

There are holes in my back where the hooks keep dragging me down
my hands smell like butter and dogs
my hair looks like I crawled out of a subterranean holding cell
where they keep terrorists

I don't know why so I'm tired lately
maybe allergies
maybe because summer is over
maybe I should eat more food and drink less coffee
maybe it's the rhythm of pearl snap buttons tumbling in the drier

I should eat more greens.

Anarchist Thoughts

               I.

Leaving the country always feels good
this greatest empire that ever was
that can destroy the world ten times over with bombs
if it wants
but it won't
it'll destroy itself
it'll unravel like a loose knot
tied with slick rope by numb fingers on a freezing night

               II.

This is an election year
the song and dance our masters give us
so we can believe we live in a democratic republic
At least the People's Republic of China
is honest with their one party rule
Oh and they have good education
and health care
and way less prisoners

               III.

There are other nations I wouldn't want to be stuck in
without a doubt
I know it isn't all happy beaches and delicious street food out there
although there are a lot of beaches and street foods
but we are a nation that sells war to ourselves
with the delusion that our way is best for the world
and then we finance those wars and our 700 military outposts
with money borrowed from theocratic dictatorships and communist authoritarians
we don't have any money of our own anymore
we spend more than we make
take more than we give
and consume more than we create

              IV.

The actual value of every paper currency in history is zero
No fiat currency survives the test of time
In 2008 the whole system was two hours away from collapse
and the ATMs would have stopped spitting cash
and all the banks would have closed
and all our deposits would have vanished
like a jealous thought whispered away by a lover's kiss

             V.

The dollar itself is the biggest financial bubble in the history of civilization
And living among the madness and spoils of empire
has made me slothful and apathetic
or ravenously ambitious
although all that feels firmly in the past now
and the only way that feels firm and calm to me
the only balance I can find
is in anarchy, prayer, and getting things made

            VI.

Nobody has real authority over anybody else
That's a thing we do to give away responsibility
but every time we do that little pieces of sovereignty go with it
like erosion on a logged hillside
it's as unnatural as a logged hillside